The dark side of having families that watch as much TV as we do

Tara and I are still watching Lost and Vampire Diaries, but we’re finding it difficult. We now prefer to watch them together (as in, we’ll watch one episode of each and then repeat until we realize we’ve been watching TV for far too long and begin hating ourselves), but the problem resides with Lost. You see, we can’t watch it at Tara’s house, because her mom and brother don’t like the show. They watched up until season 3 and then quit, which baffles me, because season 3 was my favorite. So I feel the need to debate the various pros and cons with her brother. And then we can’t watch it at my house, because my family likes Lost way too much and they blurt out spoilers before they can stop themselves. My dad spoiled two things for Tara within like five minutes, one of which I had been keeping under wraps for the past two months.

So basically we have to wait until one of our houses is free and then frantically squash in a few episodes. This is the struggle, people. This is what we deal with.

Of course Locke is the baby whisperer

Tara and I are still watching Lost and Vampire Diaries. I don’t know what Tara’s thoughts are on Lost (although I can tell you that show ruined my life because I’ll never get over the fact that it ended), but as for Vampire Diaries I am always pleasantly surprised with the direction of its plot. It never does the predictable thing, and I like that. I also love Caroline. I also love all the minor characters, and then they die. So here’s how that’s going:

Elodie: I just had this image of Katherine knocking back liquor at a bar someplace while Elena is the weathered bartender listening to her story.

and

Tara: Shannon’s using Vincent to find Walt
Tara: If someone tried to use one of my dogs to find me it would not work at all.

and

Tara: DAMN BOONE YOU ARE LOOKING WAY TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR A FUNERAL
Tara: And “death sucks,” that was your opening line?
Elodie: He thought about it a lot on the way over.

and

Tara: Of course Locke is the baby whisperer

and

Elodie: I love this Slater guy, which means he’s probably going to die

and

Elodie: If you wanted to fit in somewhere and live a normal life why the hell would you move to Mystic Falls

and

Tara: NO
Tara: NO
Tara: NO
Tara: NO
Tara: OH MY GOD, IS SHE DEAD?
Tara: THAT’S SO NOT FAIR
Elodie: I know. Thank God Slater’s still alive.
Elodie: NO, GODDAMMIT!
Tara: I was just thinking “wait for it…”
Elodie: I fell in love with another minor character and it cost me.
Elodie: This was a sad night all around.
Tara: That it was.

And finally

Elodie: Earlier I told my mom you were going to watch the episode where [character] dies, and she was like, “You’re only that far?” So she too believes we’re not watching TV fast enough.
Tara: I want to finish Lost by the end of the summer, that’s my goal.
Elodie: And I want to catch up with Vampire Diaries and Game of Thrones.
Elodie: How can people say we’re not ambitious

An Update on the Lost/Vampire Diaries Adventure Debacle

Just so we’re all on the same page here, Tara is on the Lost episode “Exodus: Part 1,” and I’m on the first episode of season two of Vampire Diaries.

Elodie: “I don’t need a babysitter.” You just tried to turn yourself into a vampire, Jeremy, you’re getting a babysitter.

Tara: “The worst part’s over.”
Tara: hahahahhaha yeah I don’t think so.

Elodie: “Doppelganger Hijinks” is what this episode should have been called

Tara: How does Jin who doesn’t speak English fit in better with the group than I would if I was on the island?

Elodie: Oh my God are they about to have sex or are they going to murder each other

Elodie: …
Elodie: Are there… other supernatural creatures?
Tara: You mean other than witches and vampires?
Elodie: Yeah.
Elodie: Mason talking about “the curse”
Elodie: Tyler’s aggression issues
Elodie: TYLER Posey
Elodie: TYLER Hoechlin
Elodie: IT ALL ADDS UP
Tara: I like how all the main characters hug while all the other people on the island just wander around the background.
Elodie: Yeah, nobody likes them
Elodie: You skirted the werewolf question, or as it will henceforth be known “the Tyler Trifecta Question”
Tara: Did I? Sorry
Elodie: alsjgklhl3kjg
Elodie: Goddamn you

I hope nobody’s keeping track of how many TV shows I’m currently watching, because even I don’t know the exact number, but I’m sure it’s shameful.

Today Tara came over and we realized that we had encountered a problem. Season one of The Vampire Diaries is about three episodes shorter than season one of LOST. We realized we would soon be operating on completely separate arcs. Unfortunate, but inevitable.

Long story short, I watched the season finale of The Vampire Diaries and I started SHOUTING, despite the fact that my dad was working and I was supposed to be, you know, not shouting. But I couldn’t HELP it. There was a lot of “WHAT” and “BUT KATHERINE” and “BUT JEREMY” and “HOLY SHIT.”

We have also realized that this is the slowest either of us has ever watched a TV show that is readily available to us on Netflix. I think the fact that we’re both bound to watch it together is what’s keeping us at a steady pace. This is taking into account the fact that Tara once watched both seasons of  Teen Wolf over the course of three days, and this week I’ve burned through more episodes of Community than I’d like to admit. So you know what we’re capable of. I’m actually proud of us for taking this so seriously.

Spring break is coming to an end. I have an exam to study for and an entire book to read. Clearly this is the perfect time to start watching The Tudors, which I’ve been dying to watch since starting Vikings. (I swear if I could make a living off of this, I would.)

No title. Too tired. Need sleep, or chocolate.

Today was one of those days where I woke up and everything was just asfglrjhjlkemtlj3jt2. Midterms are rearing their ugly head and I’m constantly fluctuating between feeling really motivated, and feeling like ALL HOPE IS LOST.

I once asked Tara what fans of the Vampire Diaries called themselves, and she said she wasn’t sure there was a specific name. “Then I’ll make one,” I said. Two hours later, I had come up with nothing, and she didn’t blame me.

Flash forward two months. Without context, I just messaged her:

Elodie: Vampiarists.
Tara: There it is.

So there it is. But seriously, is there a name? Everything has a name. Gleeks. Losties. Sherlockians. If there isn’t a name, I’m nominating my contribution, because it took me two months to come up with it.

*wounded animal noise*

I HAVE BEEN SPOILED FOR VAMPIRE DIARIES.

I knew this would happen eventually, if I continued to spend egregious amounts of time on Tumblr. I knew this day was coming. I just… didn’t know it would come so soon.

That’s okay though. I guess. I mean, I accidentally spoiled LOST for Tara. Or, well, Past Me did. I wrote her a letter a long time ago (literally, like, three or four years ago) and I ended it with “P.S. I’m really sad today because last night on LOST [character] died tragically and now [other character] is heartbroken. This means nothing to you, but I’m sad anyway.” Fast forward three or four years, and now Tara and I have our complicated TV-watching arrangement. She found the letter two weeks ago while we were both visiting home, presumably stashed in her closet somewhere. When she picked me up so we could drive back to school together, she wordlessly handed me the note. I read it. And then I screamed, right there in the car, in my driveway, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

So that’s where we are.

Happy February 3rd! (I forgot to say ‘happy first day of February!’ so this is what we’re stuck with.)

For anyone who randomly stumbled onto this blog by accident and is confused by what looks like a really loud, inappropriate, and confusing dialogue between two people: my friend Tara and I recently embarked on a TV Show Challenge Adventure Experience Thing. We both chose a TV show and are forcing the other person to watch it. We watch them simultaneously and message each other our thoughts, usually in fragmented, broken speech like two people who are only grappling with the English language. I chose Lost. She chose The Vampire Diaries. These are our stories. (DUN DUN.)

Elodie: Colonial Stefan and Damon. *swoon* 

And

Elodie: OH MY GOD
Tara: OH MY GOD!
Tara: WHY IS NOBODY STOPPING JIN FROM BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THAT GUY
Elodie: IS DAMON SETTING THEM ON FIRE
Tara: SO MANY THINGS ARE HAPPENING

And

Elodie: “Be careful who you invite into the house.”
Elodie: This is just a point of observation but I don’t think I’ve ever actually invited someone into my house, ever. I’ve never been like, “Yeah, come on in,” even casually, I just open the door and assume they know what to do.
Elodie: If a vampire was trying to con his way into my house it would probably get really awkward really fast.

And

Tara: Locke is such a troll

And

Elodie: JEREMY SHE’S LICKING BLOOD OFF YOUR FACE. I’m not an expert or anything but I feel like that’s a red flag.

And

Tara: Good guy Jack tells everyone you have the flu when really you’re going through heroin withdrawals.

And finally

Tara: Oh my GOd in the next episode Jack and Sayid torture Sawyer?!?
Elodie: THERE IT IS
Elodie: That’s the kind of thing that can really throw a wrench in an OTP
Elodie: And open up the door to a really kinky three-ways
Elodie: …way
Elodie: Singular, not multiple
Elodie: Although I suppose we could have an…
Elodie: ISLAND ORGY
Tara: I VOTE FOR THAT.

Have you figured it out yet?

When I’m tired, out of ideas, or just plain lazy, I copy and paste my conversations with Tara into WordPress and call it a post.

Tara: Here’s a link to Joey Richter on Glee
Elodie: THANKS. I’m class right now but I’m going to use the promise of that spectacle to get me through it.
Elodie: I’m having one of those moments where I’m like “holy shit I really need to start paying attention” and then I continue not paying attention.
Elodie: …I’m IN class
Elodie: Not “I’m class”
Elodie: Actually I am class
Elodie: I personify what it means to be classy
Elodie: …
Elodie: Oh my God I need to pay attention.

And the best of our recent Vampire Diaries/Lost TV Challenge Adventure Thing (and I say “best of” because a lot of the time it’s just us exchanging fragments like “HOLY SHIT” and “WHAT WAS THAT” and “DID HE DIE”):

Tara: I’d hate to be elected the unofficial leader of the island
Tara: I’d probably kill everyone

And

Elodie: Dammit Elena, you’re bleeding all over the food

And

Elodie: If I found somebody’s diary I would read it so hard. But that’s why I’m not on a TV show. I’d be a really unlikeable protagonist.

And also

Tara: I wish I could catch fish with my bare hands. I don’t know what I would do with that talent, but I want it.

And finally

Elodie: He’s trying to force her to admit he’s a vampire.
Elodie: “SAY IT. OUT LOUD.”
Elodie: …I am so sorry.
Tara: No.

Vampire Diaries: An Update

So far I’m on episode five of Vampire Diaries. Tara is on episode five of Lost. The common denominator for both of our shows is Ian Somerhalder. And it’s like two completely different ends of the spectrum. In one, he’s Damon… hot, sexy, possibly evil, maybe just broken? (Episode five, guys, come on.) And in the other he’s that idiot who thought performing a tracheostomy on Rose in the pilot was a thing that should happen.

I have to confess something: I had seen a lot of gifs and photosets, so I had a pretty good (if basic) idea of the show before I started watching it. But I had somehow gotten the idea into my head that Ian Somerhalder was named Stefan and Paul Wesley was named Damon. Guys, I literally thought this for years. YEARS. And I’m having a really hard time reversing it. But it’s okay. Tara got Jack and Locke switched around too. So we both suck equally, and that’s how friendship works.

I’m a background character in Twilight. Oh, God.

As you’ll know if you follow me on Twitter, I recently came into some wealth. And by wealth, I mean cookies. And by cookies, I mean the vending machine freaked out and gave me three packages when I asked for one. So tonight are the SAG Awards and the Pro Bowl, and I have more cookies than I know what to do with. As Sundays go, this one is shaping up to be fantastic. The only problem I can see is that the SAG Awards and the game are going to overlap.

Elodie: If I somehow miss seeing Aaron Tveit’s face because of Peyton Manning, I’m going to be angry.
Allison: Seriously.

In other news, the TV Show Challenge is going swimmingly.

Tara’s Thoughts on Lost: “Sayid and Sawyer. This ship sails itself.”
My Thoughts on Vampire Diaries: “You know, popular media has convinced me that a supernatural creature should have fallen in love with me by now. Since it hasn’t happened yet I can only assume I’m a background character in the life of a person who is in that situation. Dammit.”