This is simultaneously the best and worst idea she’s ever had.

You know things are going to get real when, during the wee hours of the morning, your friend messages you the following:

Tara: I just had a crazy idea.

We’d been discussing our TV shows and how, aside from Sherlock, Misfits, Psych, Arrested Development, Modern Family, and Teen Wolf, we didn’t share quite that many TV show obsessions. (I know that statement seems contradictory, but stay with me on this.) So when Tara suggested we each pick one of our favorite TV shows and force the other to watch it, I was INSTANTLY ON BOARD.

Elodie: I LIKE IT
Tara: RIGHT?
Elodie: THERE HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN A BETTER IDEA ANYWHERE
Elodie: Wait
Elodie: Oh God, now I have to pick a TV show
Tara: I was just thinking that.
Tara: Shit

And so, long after we both should have gone to bed, the conversation spiraled downward.

Elodie: I feel like this is the biggest decision I will ever make.
Tara: I’m going to make a pro/con list
Elodie: I’m going to make charts
Elodie: I’m also going to watch all the pilot episodes for my main contenders just to get a feel for them again and really make an informed decision.
Tara: YES ME TOO.
Elodie: Let’s come to a consensus this weekend.
Elodie: This isn’t a decision to be taken lightly, it’s not like choosing a college.
Tara: I had far less trouble choosing a college.

We both now have lists that we need to narrow down. Tara’s includes Supernatural, Game of Thrones, and Vampire Diaries. Mine includes Lost, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and How I Met Your Mother. FEEL FREE TO OFFER AN OPINION, BECAUSE I CAN’T MAKE THIS DECISION ON MY OWN. This is bigger than all of us. You’re going to be hearing about this as things progress. Part of the deal is that Tara and I liveblog each episode to each other as we watch them. It bears mentioning that we are both taking this very seriously.

Elodie: I’m going to bed now, but I’ll be damned if I’m not making arguments and counterarguments in my head all night on the merits of various TV shows.
Tara: I hope I dream about this
Tara: I HOPE IT’S LIKE BATTLE ROYALE AND THEY ALL DUKE IT OUT
Elodie: Oh my God
Elodie: You are an unstoppable good-idea machine
Tara: I need to quit while I’m ahead.

My Fictional Crushes: A List

I have had a smattering (okay, okay, a copious amount) of real, actual crushes on real, actual people. (Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Cough.) But I also frequently develop those massive obsessions with fictional characters that are only slightly less attainable than JGL. Come on, this is the Internet. We all know that feel.

I present to you that list:

1. Sirius Black
2. Fred Weasley
3. Kartik (from the Gemma Doyle trilogy)
4. Bernard (from The Santa Clause. I went through this phase from approximately the ages of 10-16, and I never truly grew out of it)
5. Jack Sparrow
6. Flynn Rider
7. Sayid (from Lost… until that last season, he was literally the only character that didn’t throw all logic out the window at the slightest provocation. Also those EYES)
8. Rudy Steiner (The Book Thief)
9. Sawyer (also from Lost. Good God)
10. Sam (Dulé Hill’s role in Holes… I don’t know why I picked the most obscure minor character to develop a crush on when there were loads of perfectly good juvenile delinquents to choose from, but the heart wants what the heart wants)
11. Finny (from A Separate Peace)
12. Enjolras (from Les Misérables)

…And what do they all have in common? They all (spoilers. Seriously, turn back) DIE, in some form or fashion. I didn’t even realize that until I was about halfway done with this list! Jesus! They all die! What’s up with that? With the exception of Bernard the Head Elf, because The Santa Clause would have taken a bit of a dark turn if THAT had happened. But you know what? I consider him dead. He’s dead to me, because where the hell was he for The Santa Clause 3? Scheduling conflicts, my ass. Scheduling conflicts TOYING WITH THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF IMPRESSIONABLE VIEWERS, more like. Thanks, Bernard. You’re a god among men. (No, really. You are. I didn’t mean any of that. Let me love you?)

I’m a Self-Proclaimed Pretentious Douche

I got my roommate assignment a few weeks ago. The whole thing was making me nervous. I’ve never really lived with another person. (My brother doesn’t count, because the arrangement ended within days; I taped off our sections of the room and he had to jump from his bed to the door because I didn’t give him much of an exit point.) Best case scenario, we become best friends forever. Worst case scenario, she’s secretly a psychologically unhinged killer who smothers me in my sleep the first time I leave a mess in the microwave. I’m holding out for some middle ground in which we coexist peacefully.

I mean, we’ve chatted on Facebook and we’ve divvied up the necessities, and she seems totally nice. We like the same TV shows, at least. But I’m afraid she’s more of an I-catch-an-episode-of-House-whenever-I’m-flipping-through-channels type of person, whereas I have several TV shows I watch religiously and will murder anyone who stands in my way. I’m also afraid I’m going to be That Roommate… you know, The One Who Never Leaves the Dorm. I’m going to make it my mission to go to at least one new place every day during Welcome Week.

Just sent a message to my roommate. I kept changing it up; I was like, “No, no, I can’t say it like that, I’ll look condescending and stupid,” and then it was, “Should I use a smiley face?” and then, “Should I cut back on the perfect punctuation so I don’t look like a pretentious douche?” First impressions are HARD, people. Don’t judge me!