I like long walks on the beach, wearing the same thing over and over again, and not contracting illnesses

I was supposed to have a sort-of date yesterday. He had to cancel because he’s sick. It’s probably a bad sign that I was relieved. The relief didn’t have anything to do with him, though; I was relieved because a) now I could leave the house wearing the same sweatshirt I’d had on the last time I saw him, and b) I’m a germaphobe. I don’t like sick people. When I’m the one who’s sick, I don’t even like myself.

Happy Halloween, everybody! I’m going as Spider-Man. More accurately, I’m going as the loser standing over in a distant corner of the party wearing a Spider-Man hoodie and eating all the food. I was this last year also.


I’m So Smooth Sometimes I Think I Should Just Date Myself

There is a boy I sit next to in one of my classes whose name I don’t know. You’re probably thinking he’s noteworthy because I find him attractive, and you would be right. Sometimes he wears a suit to class just for the hell of it, and his face is very agreeable, and amazing things are happening with his hair. Our entire relationship consists of him glancing up when I come bursting through the door at full sprint with just seconds to spare. Sometimes I ask him for today’s date, but mostly I just appreciate that we occupy the same physical space three times a week.

Anyway, my professor the other day was lecturing about two lovers in our text who had been reading a book about sexy times, looked up, made eye contact, and gone at it like a couple of rabbits. But our listless, apathy-riddled group of Monday morning zombies was just not getting this. The professor was agitated. He was practically jumping up and down. “This is important stuff!” he cried. “All they did was LOOK AT EACH OTHER and then they wordlessly embarked on a passionate love affair! You’re college students! You know what that’s about! Okay, everybody–RIGHT NOW, turn to the person next to you and communicate to them with your eyes the phrase ‘I WANT TO HAVE A LOVE AFFAIR WITH YOU.’ DO IT.”

So long story short, the cute guy in question and I shared a sideways glance and then we both just kind of snorted. The romantic potential is off the charts.