Considering all the trees I’ve fallen out of and all the mailboxes I’ve rollerbladed into, I’m just glad I made it this far

I am beginning to think I got whiplash a few weeks ago when Allison and I were hit by that car. The last time I got whiplash was when I was rear-ended by a police officer. But I mean, this isn’t even impressive. The other car didn’t even hit us that hard. I’m just the kind of person things happen to. I don’t know what it is about me, but I tend to get hurt in the most moronic of ways. When I was thirteen, I accidentally stapled my own hand. When I was camping with my family that same year, I broke my toe because I pretended to lock my brother in the RV bathroom and he flung it open when he realized that, no, it actually can’t be locked from the outside, and I was hit with the door and knocked off my feet. I’ve bruised my tailbone twice, once when I sat down where there wasn’t actually a chair and once when I threw myself off of a roof. I have been shot in the head with Alex’s Airsoft gun. I once fell onto a Barbie Malibu Dreamhouse that didn’t even belong to me with the result that I ripped open my entire leg. I received two bloody noses during my short stint as the worst basketball player on our fifth-grade team, both because I wasn’t paying attention. I once fell out of a go-kart that my dad and my brother built and somehow managed to run myself over. I cracked my head open at summer camp. The first time I ever got stung by a bee was because I wedged a large stick into the hive.

I’ve gotten better with age, but for somebody who hates blood and needles and is very, very squeamish, I apparently had no sense of self-preservation at all as a child.


2 thoughts on “Considering all the trees I’ve fallen out of and all the mailboxes I’ve rollerbladed into, I’m just glad I made it this far

  1. That Barbie Malibu Dreamhouse incident sounds tragic! I just stub my toe on. like, everything… and bump into jutting walls and open doors quite frequently.

    • Dang girl…you get hurt more then Dylan…except, he does incredibly stupid stuff to get himself hurt…like have butter sock fights and have his brothers pick him up to throw him in the pool…stuff like that
      Me? I just trip on myself. A lot. And somehow end up hurting somebody else when it clearly should’ve been me who split their brain open

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