So I pickpocketed my grandfather

Yesterday was my cousin Jase’s high school graduation! His graduating class is a lot bigger than mine was, so we were only about 1/3 of the way through (and we hadn’t even seen Jase walk yet) when my dad and I started to get antsy. I was sandwiched between him and my grandfather, who was paying rapt attention.

“I’ll give you 200 bucks if you pickpocket Grandpa,” my dad whispered to me.


“20 bucks if you steal his phone.”

“You said 200,” I said.

“No, I didn’t,” he said, widening his eyes innocently. “I said 20. You misheard.”

“Fine,” I said. The phone was in his left breast pocket, and I was sitting on his right, so I put my arm around him like I was side-hugging him because I’m an awful person and my soul is black, and I stole his phone and swiftly threw it at my father, who then refused to pay because I hadn’t done it with enough secrecy. I argued that that wasn’t part of the original deal, and he compromised by saying he would drive home even though I was supposed to, and I said that wasn’t worth 200 bucks, and he said, “But it’s worth 20,” and then somebody shushed us.

Jase finally walked, putting an end to our childish behavior. I’M SO PROUD OF HIM. After the ceremony he gave me a hug and said, “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for graduating,” I said. “I pickpocketed Grandpa.”

He thought about that and nodded. “I don’t know what I was expecting.”


4 thoughts on “So I pickpocketed my grandfather

    • THAT IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER HEARD. Who in the WORLD thought that was a good idea?! How many variations of “WE GRADUATED” can there possibly be?

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