Last night my brother Alex resurfaced on Twitter, and when I remarked upon his long absence by accusing him of being “Twitter MIA,” he said, “I HAVEN’T HAD A REASON TO SAY ANYTHING, I JUST SAT BACK AND WATCHED YOUR LIFE COLLAPSE.”
…which was one of the best Tweets I’ve ever received. Oh, you, I thought. What a jokester. And then I looked at my past Tweets.
“I just accidentally watched half of the second season of LOST.”
“I’m going to go get [my Les Mis DVD] so I can stare at the cover while doing all my homework and crying.”
“I don’t think many people lose things quite like I do. I lose things with APLOMB. I lose things like it’s an Olympic event.”
“I’ve begun actually foreseeing my utter screwedness. But I still refuse to do anything about it. It’s that time of year.”
“Whoever pinches me today is going to get a Falcon Punch to the elbow.”
“I’m just going to sit here and cry in my dorm for a while.”
“I just had an emotional experience because I found a hat I thought I had lost.”
Needless to say it was an accurate Tweet.