If I ever spontaneously combust this will be the reason

The other day, I wrote an article for SparkLife about multiple choice questions. Usually when I write an article there’s a reason for it, and what triggered that particular article was my biology professor. See, he’s not always the lovable scoundrel giving us horrific sex facts. Sometimes he likes to play God and give us quizzes in a ridiculous fashion, and by sometimes I mean always BECAUSE HE’S MALEVOLENT.

He will give us quizzes that are ten questions. No big deal, right? He hands out the scantrons and then puts the questions up on PowerPoint. He’ll put up three questions at a time (except for the last slide, which is two), and he’ll give us twenty seconds for each slide.

Wait, what? Okay, how long does it take you to read a question? Three seconds? Four or five if it’s longer? So on average that gives you twelve seconds of reading and eight seconds to answer three questions. That’s insane. Knock off a couple seconds because bubbling in the scantron properly is a delicate procedure, and what do you have? No time at all.

He’s also the most paranoid person in the world, so he spends most of the time calling out, “Everyone cover up your scantrons so your neighbors won’t see. Cover up your scantrons. Are your scantrons covered? Cover them up if you’re not writing! Cover them up!” until I want to scream.

He says he has a theory that your first choice is usually your best, which is why he does this. Well, no. That’s incorrect, and I have proof, because on today’s quiz I read the question and immediately chose the wrong answer. I even knew it was the wrong answer. But the environment in which he gives quizzes is not conducive to logical reasoning. I was thinking, “Well, I know it’s not A except I only have like two more seconds to think and why is he talking and YES my scantron is covered, for the love of God, please shut up, I’m going to choose A and move on.”

Thank God he doesn’t do this for exams or I would have exploded by now.


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