I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry. I’m sure none of you wanted this story but I’m GIVING IT TO YOU ANYWAY.

Today in my biology of sex lecture, the professor was telling us how, when praying mantises have sex, the female eats the male’s head. To illustrate this point, and apparently laboring under the assumption that we didn’t believe him, he showed us a video. A video I could’ve gone the rest of my life without seeing. A video that took years off my life expectancy. Everyone was basically screaming in terror, and then the video ended, and there was dead silence, and he leaned into the microphone and whispered sinisterly, “It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘giving head,’ doesn’t it?”

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And I thought, “YOU ARE APPROXIMATELY ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD. STOP THAT.”

I had not yet recovered from the shock of seeing a praying mantis consume another praying mantis while still having sex when he threw us that zinger. It was wonderful and terrible at the same time.

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