Malevolent Ostriches

Today I woke up with case of the Mondays to find that my morning class had been CANCELED. I even heard about it before I got dressed. Theoretically, I should have been thrilled. And a part of me was. But another part was wary. Suspicious. I spent the entire hour and a half not getting anything done, but instead glaring at the clock and thinking, “I should be there. I SHOULD BE THERE. Is this an elaborate ruse? IS THIS A DECEPTION? Did I hallucinate the e-mail?”

You see, just before the start of every semester, I begin having dreams about accidentally missing the first day of class. I won’t go into too much detail on how I miss it, because the dream versions vary considerably (there’s the usual, like sleeping in, and the unusual, like the ostrich apocalypse. They’re everywhere. Their eyes are RED and burning with the impassioned hatred of a flock of oppressed flightless birds, and it’s only a matter of time before they take back what’s rightfully theirs. Sorry. That was more detail than I was planning on divulging, but it got away from me. One day you’ll see. You’ll all see).

Anyway, these dreams were then exacerbated by an incident last semester. I had this Earth Science class once a week on Thursdays. A few weeks into the semester I decided I should have an appointment with my advisor, so I called the office and pulled up my schedule to see when I was free. I was literally mid-sentence when I noticed that, according to my schedule, I had Earth Science on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And I thought, no, wait, that’s not possible because… And just like that, my mouth fell open, and I was mere seconds away from dropping the loudest “oh SHIT” I had ever dropped, right there on the phone with my advisor’s secretary. I had missed three Tuesdays worth of classes. I had, at that point, missed more classes than I had been to.

And so I was left with a lingering fear of unintentionally missing classes. That, and malevolent ostriches… or just ostriches. Am I right? Those things are creepy.

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2 thoughts on “Malevolent Ostriches

  1. They’re creepiest when they run towards you at full speed with heads tilted in order for them to make THE LOOK OF DOOM with their weird eyes-on-the-sides-of-the-head that birds have.
    Never happened.

    But it did with an emu.

  2. That reminds me, when I was at my grandma’s house this one time, there were these two HUGE birds just strutting down the street like it was nobody’s business.
    Seriously, they were huge. Almost disgustingly so.
    I was almost afraid that somebody would run them over…but then I thought, What the heck, if somebody does, both the driver AND the bird will die…not to mention the other one will eventually seek vengence, so then I didn’t have to worry about it anymore 😀

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