A Harrowing Journey

Last night was a harrowing journey of not being able to fall asleep, which is THE WORST KIND of harrowing journey. Well, probably. In my experience, anyway. And to be fair, nobody’s entrusted me with any malevolent rings (yet), so…

I went to bed around 1 in the morning. Brushed my teeth, turned out the lights, got into bed, et cetera. Then I couldn’t get comfortable. Then I heard a lot of banging, like my neighbors were having some kind of violent dance party. I vaguely remember, as I started to drift off to sleep, wondering if I was on a pirate ship and whether or not we were being fired upon by an enemy ship, and if so should I man the helm?

Before I could fully fall asleep, however, there was a great, almighty BANG from upstairs. I’m assuming he dropped something. I jolted awake, sat there in the darkness, came to full consciousness, and just whispered “dammit” into the night. I had devoted a lot of quality time ignoring my neighbors and trying to fall asleep, and now I would have to start again.

By this point, however, I had to pee. So I went to the bathroom (yet again disregarding the werewolf transformation/door-hanging-off-its-hinges problem), did the deed, and got back into bed. But what I hate about communal bathrooms in college is that it’s a whole deal. I have to find my shoes, find my key, pull my hair back into a ponytail so I don’t accidentally inflict my bedhead on some unsuspecting hallway person, crawl out into the hallway, blink rapidly and hiss “I HATE THE LIGHT” like a cave dweller, locate the bathroom, use the bathroom, wash my hands… it’s an entire process. And it requires too much thought and planning to just do it on autopilot, or I might wind up roaming the hallways, locked out with no shoes. So by the time I got back under the covers, it was 3 am and I was wide awake.

Well, that was nothing an episode of Arrested Development couldn’t fix. So I watched an episode. Then two. I fell asleep around 4 in the morning. Promptly at 6:04 a.m., the loading zone near my window came to life, and I was awoken by the lovely sounds of trucks and yelling.

And then I was hungry. Tonight, I am going to bed as soon as humanly possible.

EDIT: I tried this. The fire alarm went off. I’m wide awake again.


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