The Tale of the Bathroom Vandals

In the span of about a week, I started watching Teen Wolf, came to love it, quickly overcame my shame and self-loathing, and developed an outright obsession. And then this happened:

ME: Why can’t everybody on this show just CALM THE HELL DOWN AND BE REASONABLE?
TARA: It’s like Scott said, nobody trusts anybody so nothing ever gets done and everyone just fights all the time.
ME: It’s just like high school, everyone’s running around being a dick and there’s just piss and shit all over the walls.
TARA: That is the most accurate comparison ever.

I should probably explain that our high school had its faults, and perpetual piss and shit on the bathroom walls was one of them. It was your average small-town, suburban high school, except we had a ragtag gang of mysterious vandals that would occasionally run around wiping various types of human waste all over the bathroom walls, stalls, and mirrors. You didn’t know when they were going to strike. You didn’t know where. And you sure as hell didn’t know why. Who does that? Seriously, who? Bathrooms were constantly locked, so going for a bathroom break could take half an hour as you scoured the school looking for one that was open. Surveillance cameras were installed, but they continued to vandalize indiscriminately—boys’ bathrooms, girls’, unisex, it didn’t matter. If it had a toilet, it was fair game. And you’ve got to think about the implications of this. They actually reached into the toilet, and then… with the… yes. Again, why?

We never found out. And I’ll never forget the day I walked obliviously into the bathroom during junior year and discovered what looked like a murder scene, but with less body parts and more human excrement. I didn’t even tell anybody. I just walked in, saw it, said, “Nope,” and left, because there are some days when you are equipped with the mental faculties required to deal with that kind of thing. And there are some days you aren’t.

18 days until Christmas! I’m three exams, one essay, and one social obligation away from going home.


4 thoughts on “The Tale of the Bathroom Vandals

  1. Oh, my gosh. That is unbelievably gross. Happened to me in a restaurant bathroom yesterday (although this mess was more ‘accident’ than ‘deliberate’ I presume) — I walked in, my eyes swept across the wet stall floor, thought NOPE and I backed away slowly……
    On a /slightly/ more pleasant note (?), good luck with your exams, essays and obligations! Only 16.5 days left in Aus!

    I have gone and read through every single post that you’ve ever posted on here….and I know that sounds totally creepy and stalkerish, but GOSH it was worth it 😀


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