You didn’t think I’d forget you guys over Christmas, did you?! Well, yeah. You probably did. That’s fair. I deserve that. Needless to say, it’s finals time and I’m stressed out and periodically having dreams about being chased by polar bears, so it’s getting pretty real.
This past weekend I went to visit my friend in a city an hour away. We saw an improv comedy group, we played Mario Kart, we had a Teen Wolf marathon, we watched The Avengers. It was all fun, laughs, and good times. Until I left on Sunday. Until disaster struck with its almighty fist.
I got a parking ticket, and that was a bit of a kick in the nuts. And it had rained, so the thing was all soggy and stuck to my windshield, which was just the cherry on top. I shoved it into my purse and got in the car and started driving. I knew vaguely where I was going, but I had my handy GPS, so I felt secure. As I tried to get on the expressway, however, I discovered it was blocked by a police car. Further along, there was a fire engine. Clearly some serious shit was going down. Okay, I thought, there’s got to be another way out of here. The problem was, I had never come in or out of this city any other way, so I was going to have to improvise. I checked my GPS and saw what looked like a possibility, and I started heading over that way. When I glanced back down, I was not heading in the right direction, and in fact had somehow managed to finagle my way halfway across town. Two wrong turns and a wrong exit later, having dodged police cars and what looked like flares from a flare gun in the road, I pulled into a parking lot, called my mom, and promptly burst into tears. Now, I did not know I was going to burst into tears. This had never happened before, so my mom, probably thinking I had crashed in a ditch somewhere and didn’t even have the presence of mind to call 911, said frantically, “Are you okay? What’s wrong? What happened?” So I said, “MOTHER, I GOT A PARKING TICKET AND I CAN’T GET ON THE HIGHWAY AND I AM TRAPPED IN THIS CITY,” making it sound like this place was Gotham City in The Dark Knight Rises and there was NO WAY OUT. My mom handed the phone off to my dad and he directed me, and it was all rainbows and daisies from that point onward.
I spent the remainder of the drive singing Christmas carols and bidding farewell to that hellish, unnavigable netherworld. Meanwhile, I have a list of things to do:
- Get a Christmas tree. (My family is slacking on that front. THEY NEED ME TO COME HOME.)
- Decorate EVERYTHING. ALL OF THE THINGS. My dog is getting a Santa hat whether she likes it or not.
- Make cookies.
- Make a gingerbread house.
- Build a snowman? (Because right now it’s like 50 degrees and humid, and Mother Nature is doing it ALL WRONG.)
- Get an advent calendar. I like to get mine halfway through December so I can eat 13 pieces of candy instantaneously.
- Watch ABC’s 25 Days of Christmas.
21 days left!