Once I failed a math test and almost lost my hand, all in the same day

When I was in high school, our sociology class did this thing called “Handicap Day” wherein kids would adopt physical handicaps to learn to empathize with the day-to-day challenges of actually being handicapped. So once a semester, about forty or so kids would roll into school using wheelchairs, or wearing blindfolds, or with noise-cancelling headphones to simulate deafness. Well, when it was my turn, I opted to lose the use of my dominant hand, so I went to school with a nub for an arm and came perilously close to having that be my new reality. (I wore a mitten and wrapped it tightly in duct tape. By the end of the day my hand was going dangerously numb and I had to have some of the other kids pry the device off.)

Anyway, we all learned our lessons a little too well. My friend Claire spent the whole day inadvertently banging into things with her wheelchair, and I had to help a “blind” girl go to the bathroom, which took our relationship to a level I wasn’t entirely prepared for. And then there was the matter of my math test.

My sociology teacher made allowances for special cases, like a certain math test that would be a deciding factor in my final grade, and said I could take the nub off for that class only. My math teacher, on the other hand (no pun intended), said, “A real handicapped person doesn’t have that option,” gave me the test, and forced me to make illegible scribblings with my left hand. Sure, I saw his point, but I’d been preparing for this test for weeks. When I handed it in, he chuckled at my efforts in front of the whole class and promptly failed me.

The lesson here is that the world is a cruel place… which is why I LIED. In my last post, ALL OF THEM WERE TRUTHS. ALL! Ha! See that, Math Teacher? Do you see what you’ve done to my compassion and humanity? *sob*

did get stuck in a Target dressing room and had to awkwardly army-crawl under the door. And I did use electricity for evil instead of good. (Most of my town had lost power during the MOTHER of all blizzards. I was fortunate enough to have power, and I used it to play Mario Kart. I was Bowser. Thus, evil.) And I did learn that one of my distant relatives was a murderer, but my grandma randomly threw that into casual conversation. So it was like, “Did I ever tell you my great-grandfather was a killer? WAIT! Was that Dancing with the Stars? Change the channel! GO BACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY DID YOU STOP?”


6 thoughts on “Once I failed a math test and almost lost my hand, all in the same day

  1. I know this is so weird…but I’m pretty sure if we went to the same high school or something, we would be best friends. Literally everything you do, I do. Except I don’t watch football. But everything else. We’re seriously like twins. I swear to god, its awesome.

    • Maybe I should balance them out with some “meh” stories. Like one day at lunch, my brother came up to me and said, “I think I have pink eye,” and I said, “You look like you have pink eye.” And then I took him home and the day continued as usual.

      …But then in the car I said, “Don’t touch anything,” and he proceeded to touch everything.

      • One day I was waiting at the train station to go home, and my friend who I hadn’t seen in a few weeks approached me – with a facial expression that I would say shared the characteristics of an excited animated Dr. Zeuss character. And she was like “Heyy!” and I was like “How did you recognise me? I was wearing sunglasses like a spy!”

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