“Queen Elodie” has a nice ring to it

So I was doing my biweekly Almighty Facebook Creep Session. You know, the one where you check up on everyone from childhood friends to old crushes. And I’m sitting here thinking, How is it that every single one of my childhood friends went on to win homecoming queen? I swear there’s some kind of creepy social experiment at play here. At first it was cute. I was like, “God, Ella’s so nice. She totally deserves it. And look at that dress!” Then it got a little odd. It was more like, “Wow! Leigh got elected homecoming queen too! What a coincidence!” And then, “Amanda too? Her hair looks fantastic. In fact, I hate how great it looks. How does it even curl like that?” And finally, “WHY DIDN’T I GET THE MEMO THAT WE WERE ALL SUPPOSED TO BLOSSOM INTO GODDESSES THE LIKES OF WHICH NO MORTAL MAN HAS EVER SEEN? WHY ARE THEY SO GOOD-LOOKING? AND WHY DOES AMANDA’S HAIR LOOK SO FREAKING MANAGEABLE WHILE MINE JUST SORT OF SITS THERE?!?!”

I think I would’ve made an excellent queen. I wouldn’t have realized those forms were for real, so when I walked out onto the field with my family the announcer would have said, “And here’s Elodie. She wants to pursue a career in… um, wizardry… and after high school she plans to go to college at… well, it doesn’t say, but she plans to marry Joseph Gordon-Levitt…” I would have tripped and faceplanted it right into the turf, and during pictures I’d say something like, “Wait, was anyone else making a funny face in that picture? …No? Just me?” To cap it off, I would try to toss the crown into the air and catch it on my head, and I would proceed to bean our star football player right on the noggin, knocking him unconscious and singlehandedly losing the game for us all.


5 thoughts on ““Queen Elodie” has a nice ring to it

  1. It’s quite amusing to see how your thoughts progress. If you ever begin a descent into madness, you have to make sure you write all your thoughts down. =P

    Anyway, who cares if you were never given the title of prom queen? I’m sure you deserve to be recognized as queen of something else…Writing witty blog posts, attracting awkward situations, making brownies? Just throwing a few ideas out there. Does “Queen (Insert whatever your actual name is)” have an even better ring to it?

    • Dude, if I ever begin a descent into madness, getting it all down on paper is the FIRST THING ON MY LIST.

      And I just tried it, and sadly… not really. I also tried my name plus all the last names of every guy I’ve ever had a crush on, and none of them sound like winners (and one sounds like I’m destined to be a real estate agent who moonlights as a stripper, so I guess if he and I get married I’ll just have to accept that reality).

      • Ahh! I’m sorry if my question about your name crushed any dreams or caused unpleasant realizations. It seems that the name gods are against you. But you know…I’m sure that someday you’ll meet an amazing guy whose last name goes with yours to sound like the name of an awesome writer. (Optimism?)

        Just don’t go into the real-estate/stripping business; statistics show that the government is making major budget cuts in that field. 😉

      • Optimism! I like optimism! But… but… I can’t be a real-estate/stripper? I already bought a hat for the occasion!

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