Allison is a Hot Mess

Recently I had lunch with my friends Holly, Allison, and Claire. Allison was upset because she did a “sort of U-turn” (there was much debate about this as she tried to show us what she did using salt and pepper shakers) and some lady saw her. This lady happened to be a friend of her mom’s, and so the lady called Allison’s mom and ratted her out. You must know that Allison takes everything way too seriously, so she was on the verge of tears.

“But it wasn’t a U-turn!” she said. “It wasn’t! I mean… was it? What do you think?”

“Do the thing with the salt again,” Claire instructed.

Holly waved this aside. “Allison, it doesn’t matter. You’re missing the point.”

“Which is?”

“That lady was NOSY,” said Holly, taking a bite of her sandwich. “I mean, jeez. What gives her the right to just rat you out to mommy? It was a freaking U-turn… who cares?”

“It was illegal,” moaned Allison. “Oh, my God. I did do a U-turn. I did! It’s illegal!”

“Allison.” Claire banged her head lightly on the table. “Allison, sweetie. You’re taking this too seriously.”

“Do you know how many illegal things I did unintentionally on the way here?” I said. “I sped through a neighborhood, I ran a stop sign—which was totally concealed by a bush, by the way—and I’m pretty sure I’m parked illegally, so let’s eat fast,” I joked, but Allison wasn’t taking the bait. She still looked upset.

“C’mon, it’s not worse than that time Lilly was off-roading it at the park and got a ticket,” said Claire. “And remember that time the plastic bag flew up in my face and I crashed into a tree? And Tara has rear-ended almost everyone in our friend group. And Elodie’s gotten two warnings from cops so far—I have no idea why they keep letting you off, dude, you’re not learning from your mistakes—so basically, Allison, you’re the best driver in our circle.”

“Let’s go do something fun,” I said. We left and drove to the drugstore to pick out some nail polish with vague plans to do something really fun later, but Allison almost got hit by a guy while driving and that put her over the edge… whereupon the day ended.


5 thoughts on “Allison is a Hot Mess

  1. heads up: this has nothing to do with this specific post but…
    your blog is the most AMAZING thing I’ve ever read…and I cannot wait to read your book! You obviously have tons of talent, and are absolutely hilarious!! I wish that I knew you in person, because you seem like that kind of girl that eeeeevvvveeeerrryyyyoooonnneee wants for their best friend–I know I would! Don’t ever stop writing or being awesome! And thanks for helping me totally confuse my mom as to why I was staring at my computer, with random snorts of laughter emerging every few seconds.
    You rock!!

    • Holy crap! This comment just made my day! Thank you! (Also, I think we’re even, because I just smiled stupidly at the screen and I’m 99% sure the guys at the next table over are snickering at me.)

    • It’s a work in progress! I’m stunned someone actually asked. But you totally reminded me I need to get my butt into gear here, so I will. 🙂

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