It’s July! Did you hear? It’s freakin’ JULY. When did this happen? Did you know this was happening?
The fourth of July has reared its ugly head, and that means it’s open season on tourists. Today I saw a man in a sky blue Jeep with an out-of-state license plate. He was wearing your typical touristy sun hat like he was going on a safari in the Serengeti and driving 40 in a 55 MPH zone. If, however, he was a native, he would have known that this particular 55 zone was actual more of a 62 MPH zone because there is literally no place to stick a cop car. All he needed was a sandals-and-socks combo, as well as a horrible mispronunciation of the word “Euchre,” and he’d be a target for tourist hunters. Now, I’m not going to oppose the influx of tourists and their vastly beneficial boost to our economy, which admittedly could use all the help it could get. But when it comes to driving slowly (in the left lane, no less), I have to draw the line.
I zoomed around him to demonstrate to proper speed limit. I wanted to roll down my window and warn him against his ill-advised out-of-town persona, and especially the Panama Jack hat, but I restrained myself. He’d hear it soon enough.