Crayola Turds

This summer, I am going to write a book.

Damn! I just saw it in bold letters and I got scared.

I’m mostly a start-and-never-finish type person. Every NaNoWriMo attempt ends in a 50,000-word medley with no real conclusion. This summer I’m writing a book. There, I said it again. This just got serious. I am going to write a book. Now it’s a mantra. I feel like if I put the occasional update on my blog, and if there’s a person or two out there who reads it, I’ll feel more motivated. So I’m saying it now, just so you’re all prepared for the onslaught of late-night incoherency and blabbering about plot holes. (They’ll be the death of me, I swear.)

P.S. Have you ever noticed that when I don’t have a good story, I tack on a P.S. and throw out something quick and shocking? By the way, when I was little my neighbor’s dog devoured a 64-pack of Crayola crayons and then crapped out a veritable rainbow of poo. Just thought that would interest you.


23 thoughts on “Crayola Turds

  1. YEAH!!!!! You took my advice! x3 Ha, I’m really psyched now. This will be awesome. YOU MUST GIVE REGULAR UPDATES OR I SHALL SPAM YOUR BLOG. 😛 YUS.

    I do little fanfictions and such but I myself have never been able to come up with something original enough to write a whole book for. What’s yours about??? 😀

    • I’ve never admitted this, but I toy with fanfiction too. It’s a leap from fanfiction to actual book-writing but you could totally do it! As for myself, I’m not completely sure… I have some ideas kicking around and I’ve outlined a few, because I’m a freak and I find that kind of thing incredibly fun, but I’m going to have to make a decision soon. I’ll let you know!

      • Haha, thanks! Who knows, maybe I’ll try it :3 It’d be cool to see some of your fanfiction though…I have three ongoing series based on Pokémon games (none of them even close to done, of course)–yes, I’m a total Pokémon geek xP I HATE the tv show though. Although I found a FANTASTIC Pokémon fanfic a while ago, based SOLELY on the show, with Ash and Team Rocket and everyone, and it’s still the best fanfic I have ever read…ever. Which considering how much I hate that show…it would really have to be impressive to get me to read it. QUITE graphic though. It’s a good thing I don’t mind. Oh, now I’m going on a rant…anyway, YES, definitely keep updating! I find that sort of thing fun too, so no worries! xD

      • Holy pikachu! I LOVE the pokemon games! I tried all this HeartGold, Diamond and Pearl stuff but I guess I’m too old-school for my own good. Never read any fanfiction BUT I did read this one comic… Pokemon X, it might’ve been… until he stopped updating and then I was sad.

  2. (The reply button’s gone…O.o Psh, fine, I’ll just post a new comment! :P)

    YES!!!!!!! YOU JUST GAINED TEN MILLION MORE AWESOME POINTS. I hope you’re keeping track. XDDD

    …Ooh, and lost a couple because you haven’t played Platinum or Black and White ;P ASDFGHJKL THEY ARE AMAZING!!!!! YOU MUST. PlAY. THEM. NOW. *FLAMES OF WRATH* D:< …I do try not to get into arguments with people because it's rather pointless and kind of obnoxious on my part anyway, but I still don't quite get why people are so obsessed with the old games xD;; I understand the nostalgia, but the new ones are just…awesome. The plotlines, the new Pokemon, the GRAPHICS (holy CRAP the graphics are absolutely fucking gorgeous *u*), the music (Generation 5 had the best music so far if you ask me…:3), the new design for the Elite Four, little minute details that you can really only pick up by playing the games and ones that I'm not going to continue this massive run-on sentence for. Etc etc. Generation 4 is MY gen, though; I know Sinnoh so well I could draw you a map with all the cities/towns and routes and where to find each Pokemon labeled. (Me? No life? I don't know what you're talking about~) Whereas Kanto is almost completely foreign to me; I've only played FR/LG once or twice each ^^; I started Pokemon when Diamond and Pearl came out, so those were actually the first ones I played…Hm. That…might explain why I love them so much. BUT REGARDLESS. I've become waaaaay too obsessed with Pokemon since then; I could go on for ages about it and leave you with the knowledge of how much of a life I do not have :3 You can probably already tell from this essay-length response I'm giving here…*gestures feebly to the miles of text* O.o;;

    Oh, I know most fanfics are stupid and usually a complete waste of time–ESPECIALLY if they're based off of an anime…Oh god, I went on and looked at some fanfics for one of my favorite animes; I almost died laughing (and a bit of internal whimpering) at how STUPID they were…^^; I try to keep mine realistic to the games, at least. But this one I've been reading……I don't even know how to describe it. This guy is the best online writer I have ever seen. Most stories will focus on action, or romance, or drama, or action, or humor, etc etc…this guy can do ALL of them, amazingly. He'll produce these romantic sappy scenes one moment, and then ones that have me rolling on the ground in hysterics, to ones that reduce me almost to tears, to ones that are just…disturbing. O.o In a lot of places this is by FAR the darkest and most graphic fanfiction I have ever read. But it's also the best. Because it's amazing. Oh god, I'm doing it again. Look at this rant! O.o Ugh, none of this nonsense even relates to your original post. I'm going to shut up now. xD;;

    • That was a novel in itself! XD

      On the whole Pokemon thing, I guess it depends on where you started. I started with the old old OLD blue/red/yellow (where Pikachu stalks you and you get all the starters and feel like a total badass) games and bought the new ones as they came out. I was so freaking pumped when they came out with Crystal and I was finally allowed to be a girl. If I had any money I would TOTALLY buy Black and White (my brother have every single game up to there, we stopped when we got too old to mooch off the parents). But yeah, I think it’s a nostalgia thing. I play Sapphire and I remember being little and sitting in my bedroom with the neighbor kids while we all sat in our respective corners and played Pokemon and didn’t exchange a single word unless we wanted to trade. (We were those kids.)

      I take it you caught Dan Bergstein’s tirade against fanfiction? XD I totally disagree. I mean, it’s a form of expression like anything else and you can’t see someone as passionate as yourself and say it’s all worthless.

      • A part of me wishes I started on the old games too, just so I can see what everyone’s talking about when they say how much they love Generation 1 xP But my nostalgia is firmly fixed in Pokémon Pearl–I still remember trying to wrap my head around type-advantages XD I couldn’t figure out how to form proper battle strategies for the longest time. And little things, too–I remember smiling at what Rowan said when I entered my name, I remember my very first Trainer battle and the exact line he says when you run in front of him…I also remember not knowing how to arrange Pokémon in my party and being completely bewildered when my Shinx was sent out instead of my Piplup. Pretty simple once I figured it out, but in that moment I was baffled. Plus I wasn’t quite aware of how the game structure worked, so I actually looked at maps of the region and tried to determine how exactly I would get to Snowpoint City–as if it were possible to get there before the game let me. For some reason I really wanted to get to Snowpoint. Still not entirely sure why. xD Plus I had no knowledge of how to form a team, so the final result pretty much consisted of Empoleon, Luxray, Chatot, and Machop. I didn’t actually end up filling the last two slots permanently. And the Machop was used only as an HM slave; I never even bothered evolving it. So essentially I had three Pokémon in my battle party arranged with absolutely no type/stat strategy whatsoever. And I only really ever used Empoleon and Luxray anyway. Lol.

        Dan Bergstein? Nope, don’t even know who that is XD LOL that mini-tirade came straight from me. And keep in mind I’m only criticizing the REALLY stupid ones…ones that the writer obviously didn’t even try to keep accurate or in character. Almost every anime fanfiction I’ve read have been BLATANTLY out of character. It drives me absolutely crazy. I have no problem with fanfictions written by anyone who actually puts the effort in to make it halfway decent and not use either completely ridiculous or incredibly overused (and still stupid) themes. I know it sounds harsh, but…eh, I’m having a hard time explaining properly. ;u;

        And then there are the occasional gems tossed at you from out of nowhere. Seriously, if you like Pokémon, even if you detest the TV show (I sure as hell do), you MUST read this. It should be mandatory by law. Although you also have to not mind…some very, VERY graphic scenes. When I said it was the darkest fanfiction I’ve ever read, I meant it. I am thoroughly confident that nothing I ever read, watch, or listen to will be even half as violent. (In some scenes, anyway. It’s not all like that. But when it is…you will know about it. O.o)

        So anyway, I recommend it. ^^ Feel free to ask me for a link…y’know, if you just so happen to feel like reading it~ (*not-so-subtle* :3)

      • Dude, I hear that. I remember trying to get Surf before I was actually allowed to, and my entire party was just a mess, and my HMs were all spread out, and once I tried to do an all-water thing (I wanted to be Misty… come on, I was eight! XD) and it ended in despair and misery.

        You’ve actually got me really curious now. Link me!

  3. I will resist the urge to throw in any Pokemon ranting of my own and just say that a book from the mind of Elodie sounds exciting even in theory. I think we would all be honored if you kept us posted or gave us exclusive snipits of your creation. Heck, with the power of the internet you could probably gather an army of your own unpaid editors if you wanted to (mwahaha). Either way, I wish you the best of luck on your endeavor along with a relaxed and writing-filled summer vacation. Okay, time for me to stop procrastinating and go write an essay.

    • Thank you so much! That “army of your own unpaid editors” bit gave me this vision of a group of enslaved people I force to edit my work. I keep them locked in my shed, and if they want to eat, they must edit.

      Anyway. XD Best of luck with your essay!

  4. I just finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin, so I was checking it out on sparknotes just for funsies, and I ended up here. I’ve always wanted to write a book, or even a collection of short stories, but I’m never satisfied with the end product. I really, really wish you the best of luck with yours. You seem to have a good sense of humour and great writing style, and I don’t doubt that they’ll both carry over into your book.

    • Thanks! I totally know what you mean. People are like, “Hey, that was a good story, well done,” and I’m like, “WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND? A FOUR-YEAR-OLD COULD’VE WRITTEN THIS AND WRITTEN IT BETTER, AND THEY WOULDN’T HAVE HAD THIS FREAKING PLOT HOLE SO BIG IT HAS ITS OWN GRAVITATIONAL FORCE. I MEAN, JEEZ.”

      Good luck with yours too!

  5. OMG I AM SO ADDICTED TO THE POKEMON GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I started with LeafGreen and then Emerald and then I got FireRed, Saphire, and Ruby, but none of them are as good as the green ones 🙂 (and go figure, grass types are my favorites :)). But yeah my Pearl game has so many pokemon but I’m trying to put them on Platinum. I recently got all the starters and they’re evolutions from every old region except for cyndaquil (is that how you spell it lol). And yeah I’ve played HeartGold, I have SoulSilver (I can still mooch off the rents) but I’m too scared to challenge the Elite 4, but I have all 8 Johto gym badges. And Black and White are amazing!! All the new pokemon and animations and the looks and the fun gyms and the story and I could just go on and on! I recently got my 7th gym badge (I had AP classes, I haven’t played in like forever) and I’m working on the whole legendary pokemon/team platinum thing now. But OMG I LOVE THE POKEMON GAMES!!!

    And Elodie, I’m a SparkLife reader and I love your NBK column! I’ve read all of your blog up to this post now (I will finish it) and I’m planning on reading all of your other SparkLife posts. I even plan on doing the 30-day-challenge thing on my own blog! But I think you’re an awesome writer and I hope to see your book! Good luck!

    • I lost our LeafGreen, so now I’m stick with FireRed. (I WANT A NINETALES, DAMMIT.) Is it weird that I briefly considered using some of the money from my grad party to buy Black or White? XD I mean, I should probably use that for college. Probably.

      And thank you! 😀

      • Psh! College! Money! Psh! Haha that just makes you even more awesomesauce! And man does that suck about your leaf green :(. Maybe you could find a used cheap one at like GameStop or something (do they even still sell GBA Advance games????)

  6. Hey! you have no idea how happy I am that you have another blog! I read your nbk posts all the time and I have to say you are a hilarious writer! I’m sure your book will turn out wonderfully =] What’s it going to be about?

    • Thank you! It’s about a girl who goes to confront her mom (who walked out on her) when she figures out she works at a cupcake shop in California. But she sucks at confrontation. Drama and hilarity abound.

  7. Lol don’t worry! I know how it is XD Ouch, an all-Water type team…I can see how that would end badly (Did the electric type gym slaughter you? xD) I can’t say I ever tried imitating the characters on the show, but I did other things, like coming up with nicknames that made no sense…I think my favorite is the combination I made of “Electric” and “Shinx” to make “Electinx”. I’m not kidding. I thought I was being very clever. Needless to say, the name has since been changed to something general like “Thunder”. xP I’m currently in a phase where I nickname all my Pokémon something Japanese-y; so my HeartGold team consists of Kani (Feraligatr), Zuki (Ampharos), Yuka (Jumpluff), Fuko (Togekiss), Kinu (Arcanine), and Tori (Pidgeot). Idk, I just like my Japanese stuff. :3

    YES!!!!!!! Oh, you just totally made my day. XD Okay, you have to read the prologue first, so here’s the link to that:

    And the rest of the story is right here~!

    Keep in mind it starts out rather slow, but believe me, it picks up. And don’t be fooled by the somewhat cheesy/romance-y quality in the beginning; I was almost chased away from this fanfiction by the prologue and I’m so glad I stuck with it instead. It also revolves solely around the TV show and the movies, so for instance, in case you didn’t know, Latios is dead. That was in one of the movies I never watched and I started reading this and was like “wtf Latios is dead wut.. o.O” So yeah. ^^ Let me know what you think; EVERYTHING is there for a reason, even if it seems really random or pointless. Just stay with it :3

    (Btw, the chapter titled “Bloodbath”? That’s nothing. Just to give you a heads-up, this is the first REAL idea of what you’re dealing with once you get going: You don’t have to read this section unless you want to, of course, but just in case you wanted a general idea of what I was talking about…Oh, and yes, he does give legendaries genders. Nearly every legendary Pokémon has a gender. Just go with it. ;3)

  8. wow. i swear we are the same person. i do this too. as in i start writing novels and i never finish them. i find that i get further in my writing when i don’t plan my stories and they are character driven. if i make an outline i feel like i already finished it and there’s no point in actually finishing the novel (but of course i never admit this to myself and i just pretend i lost interest in the plot line). I also find it easier when i hand write them, even though i know i will eventually have to type them and that will be a pain in my bum. for instance i am writing a novel right now and i have no idea what the outcome will be. i have a general direction and options of how it might possibly end but i am completely unsure. one of the characters might die in a freak boating accident. another one could possibly find out that her father is not actually dead, but is lost at sea. i feel good about this novel, like i am actually going to finish it. it’ll be my first. i hope you found this helpful at least a little and i also hope you finish your novel. if a miracle occurs and i get mine published in the future i will let you know and i hope that you will do the same. 🙂

    • i just learned that you love joseph gordon-levitt. i immediately thought “SHUT UP! I LOVE JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT!” this only adds to my argument that we are the same person.

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