I dread letting my dog outside at night. I watch a lot of crime shows, and you know when the dog goes outside and doesn’t come back, horrible things happen. On principle, I do not leave the porch. You know when someone ventures out into the darkness to find their dog, the killer’s going to sneak in the door s/he left wide open.
My dog is going deaf, which makes the whole thing a real process, believe me. I literally just spent ten minutes trying to convince my mailbox to come inside with elaborate hand gestures and a very loud “C’mere, girl! Come on! Come inside! Let’s go! You wanna treat? Does my little puppy wanna treat OH YES SHE DOES!” (In my defense, the dark silhouette of the mailbox looked a lot like my dog.)