I’ve recently discovered that one of my friends is secretly a Sparkler. We were flipping through movies OnDemand and went past Eclipse, at which point we both hissed and booed.
HER: If I ever watch that voluntarily, you have permission to kill me.
ME: Same here. We should make some sort of pact.
HER: A blood oath.
ME: It’s just, it’s so ridiculous!
HER: Isn’t it, though? I mean, Bella is so WHINY.
ME: Her life is awful. Everyone and his brother asks her to the dance. I just hate it when that happens.
HER: We should have written the books. The werewolves would dominate, and there would be jetpacks.
(I stare at her.)
ME: You know what I think? I think Emmett is awesome and Alice is stupid. And Bella’s truck is a vampire.
(Cue the epic staredown.)
HER: Optimus Beyonce.
ME: Vampire babies have 24 chromosomes.
HER: Quil is a pervert.
ME: Sometimes I flex my calves to test my werewolfing abilities. Which are clearly dormant.
HER: Rosalie’s face is both breathtaking and unsure, as she hesitates.
ME: I imprint you.
HER: Quil is still a pervert.
ME: And Jacob is “The Thunder.”
We then began cheering and high-fiving and screaming, “YOU READ IT TOO?” It was so magical. But I’m wondering if she’ll happen upon my Most Embarrassing Moments article and think, “Hey, now THAT scenario looks familiar!” Time will tell.